How Not to Apply for a Job

I would like to say that the author of the letter below came to me asking for help.  What actually happened is that a friend was asked to print and copy it at his office supply store.  Knowing my penchant for editing, he sent me a copy to revise for fun.

Hello, my name is Suzie Sunshine and I am applying for employment at your store Bohemian Bangle.  I am 18 years old born on September 2nd 1998, female.  I’m interested in working at your store because I’ve been in there several times and I love the friendly warm welcoming I always get whenever I come in.  I am particularly interested in working at the Bohemian Bangle because I can contribute to the awesome store with my knowledge of customer service and satisfactory.

I would describe myself as an altruistic, creative and eclectic gal.  My personal life and hobbies during my free time would include playing guitar both acoustic and electric, freehand drawing and longboarding down the park.  My personal attending school at Mason community college in january for my first semester of college.  While majoring in the fine arts for music.

A personal reason why I would be a great fit for the Bohemian Bangle is because I grew up in an alternative family of Punk rockers and I’ve really dove into my spiritual side because my mother is a bohemian herself and it rubbed off onto me.  I strongly believe that I would be an exceptional employee working for you because I can bring an strong energy in by having a balance for having fun when working and doing what I love, meeting new people and showing them about things that they might be too shy to fully dive into.  I was born in Madison, Wisconsin but grew up here and I would’ve wished it to have been any different.  This is a beautiful place in my eyes and my favorite trait about Arizona is the phenomenal sunrises/sets that we get to experience.  Not to mention i’m not the hugest fan of the chilly weather up north.

Im looking for any open position you guys have open for part-time since ill be going to school in january.  I really look forward to hearing from you guys because i’ll be honest, I’ve never been this excited for applying for a job before.  I feel like it’s more of a personalised way to present myself and you can get an in depth idea of a person through a personalized application, rather than a traditional work application.

You can contact me by texting or calling this number: (555)-555-5555

Or by emailing me at : suzie#suziemail.com

Thanks again for having such great employees and service at your store and I look forward to getting to know them a bit better!

***

Suzie’s letter contains quite a few obvious errors and questionable choices, but it does a great job sharing her energy and voice.  I tried to fix the former without diminishing the latter.  Her potential employer is a funky, off-beat kind of place, so a non-traditional approach isn’t a terrible idea, but no one should expect a business owner to see past all these mistakes.

I have changed factors to hide Suzie’s actual identity.  (And Suzie, I hope you got the job.)

 

Suzie Sunshine

555-555-5555

suzie#suziemail.com

 

My name is Suzie Sunshine and I am looking for a job at Bohemian Bangle. I have been in several times and I love the warm and friendly welcome I always receive. I believe I can contribute to that with my commitment to customer service and satisfaction.

Music and creativity were enthusiastically nurtured by my hippie parents. I spend quite a bit of my time drawing and playing the guitar, both acoustic and electric. My alternative upbringing allowed me to explore my spiritual side at an early age. I love to meet people and show them new things, things that they might be too shy to ask about or pursue on their own.

I will be starting at Mason Community College as a music major in January so I am looking for a part-time position. Thank you for having such a terrific store and I hope to hear from you soon about a chance to join your fantastic team!

Sincerely,

Suzie Sunshine